Life. Well, I'ved passed out from the signal camp. I am now officially a signals and 21 platoon mates will be joining me...in khatib camp (23rd Singapore Artillery)..I wonder how it'll be like over there..there's apprehension looming...=<



Well, during this period of my stay in stagmont camp, I faced a lot of downs...I was even depressed...suicidal. I hated the life there. I disliked the people, the course commander...it was tough for me as I faced alot of stress and uncertainty. There were often tests and I had this overwhelming pressure to perform in the tests...I was so afraid of failing thatit became a phobia for me...I felt difficulty communicating with the people, I felt so alienated by their presence. I was not able to smile, and my heart was always filled with dread. I prayed hard...I read the bible every night. Psalms. the bed I slept on was facing out of the building and there was this outline on thee window panes..it resembled a cross. A cross directly in front of me. I felt that it is God.



All these while, there was this wonderful person who lifted me up. He's my father on earth. My dearest own father. He was always there for me, fetching me to and from camp faithfully, sacrificing all the time he could have saved. He is always very encouraging and he ensured that I was well taken care of...I can never thank him enough for all he has done, since I came into this world till now. He is the greatest man. My father.



I pray oh Lord, that I'll never will take anyone I love for granted, nor things and my life. For my life is in your hands. I'll die tommorrow if I am meant to. God its in your hands. My life. My being. I pray for all whom I love. I love my family. I would like to feel okay, to feel free.



Its been so long. Since I felt free.



Can my joy, happiness not be so temporary. Why must I be so negative. So weary.



I want a life that bears meaning, that is filed with hope and anticipation.



I want to love. To be capable of loving. To be loved.



Unconditonal God.



Sometimes...I wonder if I am okay. Okay in the sense that I'm sane. Am I always delusional. I see the world too ideally...too...beautifully painted. All I had in return was pain, heartache.



Life. Life. Life. Life......



Love. It's just like dancing.



1. You give and take, like when you are stepping foward and then back again

2. You hold you hands together and look into each others' eyes to represent connectedness of heart

3. You complement one anothers' movement, appreciating each anothers' uniqueness

4. With one heart, you are dancing to the rhythm of your souls, love.

5. Lastly. Both of you believe in the same thing that you find worth believing in.



Some people can dance better. That's chemistry. And hard work practicing.



Its so much like much like a relationship.



That's what I feel.