There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.





Thank you Father.

My heart feels hollow. Like it has been eaten inside out.

Nothing is constant.

Nothing is stable.

Nothing there to hold onto.


I feel like a weed in the wind.



Lost.

The greatest pain in life
is not to die, but to be ignored.


To lose the person you love so
much to another who doesn't care at all.


To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.


When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.


To have people think that you don't care.


The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.


To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.


To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".


When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.



When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.


If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.


You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...

as you have done to others.

Well, just had the deep desire to express how I feel about things recently.

I kinda fell out with my buddy of 8 years. Haven't contacted or spoke to him for more than one and a half months.

It's my fault for taking trust for granted, for being so self-centered.

I am ashamed to talk to him and yet so yearning for answers.

I am also witnessing a separation from my christian friends.

There's many thoughts, questions in my head that is unanswered.

I'm also feeling ashamed of the friend I am to my friends in cell-group. I have started off at a bad footing since Christmas eve last year, and many rifts has been caused.

I know that it is my ignorance that led of this.

I did not appreciate people.

I loaned money without returning on time, thus betraying their trust.

Right now, I feel like this vindicated person.

And I have misunderstandings with them as well.

It's hard to say, being ignorant, and I can only guess that I am being viewed in negative light as a person.

I'm untrustworthy, selfish.

This distance has been causing a rift in my relationships.

I feel disconnected and out of touch.

And daily, I pray about the redemption and reconciliation that I so yearn for.

All I know now is that I am working hard to make myself a person worth trusting again, debts are being cleared and I am trying my best to be a better person.

There's all it is to it.

Putting myself all out, and hoping that someone will listen.

God, I pray for the clarity of being. I pray for your wisdom.

And I pray that for courage, to accept that things change.