It's my birthday today!


Had a usual day at work.

None of my colleagues knew it haha, and I felt I didn't have to say it.

Caroline remembered and bought me a slice of chocolate fudge cake, and I am really happy :)

Much appreciation to those who posted their birthday wishes through facebook, I had msgs from secondary sch friends and army friends that I lost touch with. It is such a pleasant surprise! ^__^

Thank you Hanrong,Vince,Dad and Mum and Guangsheng for the lovely smses :D

Thank you Father, Lord Jesus, for never giving up on me, and for your grace and love.

I would be nothing without you, you gave me what I have and you guided me every single step of the way.

I am but just a weed swaying in the wind, but you paid attention to me, and let me feel like I mean the world to you. Thank you for your love.




I am older now.

As time unfolds, you begin to view the world in a different light.

I have hit the same old wall again.






And Lord, I seek your wisdom and grace.


I can only offer one thing through all this helplessness.

My faith.

God's promises

I believe that you are referring to God, Bob.


"Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life."
— Bob Marley

What's the point of giving so much when people never appreciate you for what you've done?

All that sincerity, and care, it just goes out of the window.

It is my deepest fear to be take for granted.

To feel that you are not even significant enough to others and that they can conveniently leave you out...

To give is to risk.


I'm really afraid to do so these days.


You never know when betrayal comes in.

KpWGteam : hey your garbage lay off emmy

My response?

get some manners dude

KpWGteam : your punching bag video is the gayest and weakest shit I ever seen

My response?

lol keyboard warrior, get your face out of pixel screens and get into the sunshine man

Some kid on the internetz just got really empowered that they are good in some first person shooter games, and start acting all gangsta, and try to take on someone by just viwing their vids. You messed with the wrong guy, little boy. I can open a can of whop-ass on you, anytime, and make you crap the hell out of your pants.

Go take on some martial arts before talking all tough, and prove your cred, otherwise, you can just put your head in your butt kid.

These internet warriors, talking tough and acting all big and bad, I bet they're bunch of skinny immature still-in-weaning geeks who stick they faces playing games all day.

They're also probably socially retarded as well; damn this dude couldn't even spell properly, wtfbbq

end of rant/

There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.





Thank you Father.

My heart feels hollow. Like it has been eaten inside out.

Nothing is constant.

Nothing is stable.

Nothing there to hold onto.


I feel like a weed in the wind.



Lost.

The greatest pain in life
is not to die, but to be ignored.


To lose the person you love so
much to another who doesn't care at all.


To have someone you care so about so much throw a party...
and not tell you about it.


When your favorite person on earth
neglects to invite you to his graduation.


To have people think that you don't care.


The greatest pain in life,
is not to die,
but to be forgotten.


To be left in the dust after another's great achievement.


To never get a call from a friend,
just saying "hi".


When you show someone your innermost thoughts and they laugh in your face.



When it seems like the only person who cares about you,
is you.


If you do not care about your friends
you will not be punished.


You will simply be ignored...
forgotten...

as you have done to others.

Well, just had the deep desire to express how I feel about things recently.

I kinda fell out with my buddy of 8 years. Haven't contacted or spoke to him for more than one and a half months.

It's my fault for taking trust for granted, for being so self-centered.

I am ashamed to talk to him and yet so yearning for answers.

I am also witnessing a separation from my christian friends.

There's many thoughts, questions in my head that is unanswered.

I'm also feeling ashamed of the friend I am to my friends in cell-group. I have started off at a bad footing since Christmas eve last year, and many rifts has been caused.

I know that it is my ignorance that led of this.

I did not appreciate people.

I loaned money without returning on time, thus betraying their trust.

Right now, I feel like this vindicated person.

And I have misunderstandings with them as well.

It's hard to say, being ignorant, and I can only guess that I am being viewed in negative light as a person.

I'm untrustworthy, selfish.

This distance has been causing a rift in my relationships.

I feel disconnected and out of touch.

And daily, I pray about the redemption and reconciliation that I so yearn for.

All I know now is that I am working hard to make myself a person worth trusting again, debts are being cleared and I am trying my best to be a better person.

There's all it is to it.

Putting myself all out, and hoping that someone will listen.

God, I pray for the clarity of being. I pray for your wisdom.

And I pray that for courage, to accept that things change.

Nothing much has changed, really.


A long overdued decision.


For a paradigm shift.

Alas. Nothing much has changed

Looking back at my older blog entries, I discovered certain aspects of my thoughts that ironically reflected those of my current mindset.

It seemed that after so long....


I was still walking around in circles.