I guess I need to blog.

Its been quite a while, since I am always fearful of sharing myself too much.

I am afraid things are no going to be good for me.

From the look of it, I will be hitting a huge barrier ahead.

I could live a life of despair and give up, with all these fears weighing on me. But I can't be the way I used to be anymore.

I gave up more than once and failed countless times. Sure, evryone goes through the same problems.

I agree.

I shouldn't stay this way.

I believed I've hurt those who were the closest to me, due to my insensitivity and self-centredness.

What have I been doing?

I reflect briefly on my past year.

Have I lived truly? Or was I trying to live to survive, since I view the world in such a contradictory way, I am afraid I do not know it myself

Hope can be uplifting. However I was never able to grasp the meaning of all that.
I never did understand why I was given grace.

I never took it and cherished it.

And it slips past my fingers tme and time again.

I thought I was in dire traits, bad times, crises and all that.

Who was I to lament?

I am just a piece in a huge plan.

To trust requires faith.
To have faith requires trust.

I do not know what to do about this, yet I am not willing to seek the knowledge to deal with it.

I am unable to face my defeat, and neither the determination to challenge my fears.

I am living contradictory life and it eats me up.

What to do now?