Saw this at a show exhibition. We are God-seekers!
Royston 2005

Looking good?

INk has been spilt in the Straits Times about the issue of beauty and how unfair it has been that people are often judged based on the way they look, not actually what they say or do. In a way, they have been judged subjectively, basd on the social model of beauty.

But do beautiful people really have it easier? Might there be disadvantages at all to being pretty, or handsome?

Sure, pretty ladies might have an edge in sales related occupations, provided that they have good PR skills as well.

Does looks open doors?

People will be more attracted to you, from face value, and warm up to you, but after that first impression thingy, it's all about proving you mettle. Your talents and strengths, and even demeanour, will play a part in the upcoming "impressions" to come. If you fail in these areas, the "backlash" that you'll get would be harsher.



My Friends,

Consider what it is that makes one "attractive". Many attraction elements have nothing whatsoever to do with beauty. Try putting on some of the following elements of attractiveness:

1. INTEGRITY. People with integrity that do not gossip and look for the best in others (and therefore inspire the best in others) are considered attractive.

2. COMMUNICATION SKILLS. People who communicate well, those that manage conflict constructively in the workplace are thought of as leaders and are therefore attractive.

3. LEADERSHIP SKILLS. People who support the big picture and do not participate in the little picture (i.e. gossip, negativity and undermining behaviors) are thought of as powerful and therefore attractive.

DO NOT get hung up on the outside part of attractiveness. You can increase your own attractiveness and employability by working on your inner skills.

DO NOT buy into the articles claiming that beauty is all that attractiveness is about. It is NOT! An attractive person is one with integrity, good skills, is well put together and SMART.

Some elements of attractiveness are controllable and some elements are not. We cannot make ourselves taller, or legs longer or our faces different; but we can focus on the controllable elements of attractiveness. If your teeth are crooked and you can have them straightened, do it. If you are overweight, lose it. Keep your hair nicely styled for your face (forget fashion), maintain healthy looking nails and a clean, polished outward appearance. There is no one else in the world like you; embrace that uniqueness in yourself and in others. With this mindset, you'll maximize your own personal abilities and success. Work on your inner skills and GET OUT THERE AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD.

The Five Love Languages

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Physical Touch.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Physical Touch:		8
Words of Affirmation:		5
Acts of Service:		4
Receiving Gifts:		4

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

Poetic reflection


Some of my thoughts written during my stay in NZ...


"Beyond the surreal skies of white and blue
The fir trees and the lush greenery
Life beckons to me its promises.
Intangible. Yet hopeful."


"Nostalgia. A deep-setting emotion, rises with each heave of the chest
Unclear memories, but a poetic, melancholic sense of longing.
Life, a journey of experiences.
Sights, sounds, recognized, remembered throughout years"


"Fingers moving gracefully from side to side
Pressing down bars of ivory
A familiar tone, a revisitment of a long forgotten memory
Through a string of melody.
I remember things that I use to see, feel and touch.
How ironic, we forget the details of the experiences we had
With each passing year, we forget...more and more."


Cest'La vie.

Movie Review: Yours, Mine, Ours.

You see, Frank Beardsley (Dennis Quaid), an admiral in the Coast Guard and a widower, runs a tight ship. His eight children, ranging in age from 4-ish to 17-ish, exhibit personalities much like his, the ones in high school being cheerleaders and student body presidents. Everyone gets good grades. The youngest kids call their father "admiral." There is not a rebel in the bunch.

Having just relocated the family to his hometown of New London, Conn., Frank runs into his high school sweetheart Helen North (Rene Russo), a daft designer of handbags who is also recently widowed. She has 10 kids (four "hers" and six adopted), and their house is a chaotic melting pot. Like the Beardsleys, the Norths have taken on their parent's personality as their own -- musicians, artists, poets, and so forth. They're the kind of people who spray-paint a rosebush and call it art.

They are soon married and the two clans move into an old lighthouse, the only building in New London that can hold them all (short of a hotel, I guess). While the parents are in post-honeymoon bliss, oblivious to the powder keg they've created, the two groups of children hate each other. ("Mom gets married, we get drafted," says one of the North children of the Admiral's strict way of governing his affairs.)

But there is a brief truce in the war of preppies vs. hippies, long enough for the factions to join forces. In a sort of reverse "Parent Trap," the children plot to break their parents up so that the families can go back to their separate lives. Frank and Helen have thus far let their love blind them to their differences. The kids' plan is to force them to notice how opposite they are.

It was really interesting as you see the children bonding with one another as they go about with the plan of creating conflicts and messes...I especially loved the way the BLUE and RED spate battle out. It was really interesting and fun to see the contrast between the 2.

Films that promote a traditional two-parent, multi-kid family as sweetly and proudly as this one does are rare enough that, if you espouse those values yourself, it's worth seeing the movie just to support the idea of it, even if it's not exactly a brilliant piece of work. Well, here's a movie that embraces that segment of society -- the old-fashioned, no-sex-before-marriage, let's-raise-a-big-family types -- without mocking them or even suggesting any alternatives.

For myself, I'm interested in movies that are good, regardless of whether I agree with their social views. But if that kind of thing matters to you, and if you view your movie-going choices as a way of making a statement, then here's one of those films you've been asking for: clean and pro-family.

Topic to ponder

Are you in for the EGO or Spirit?

Let's begin by specifically examining these 2 different aspects.

Our EGO looks at the hot company the guy runs or his stock options that just vested or his flashy car or nice muscles. Our EGO looks at her great body and how all the other guys say how hot she is. But our SPIRIT looks for something else.


Our SPIRIT (higher-self) often doesn't pick the person we fall in love with. Although we frequently see people fall in love at first sight in a movie or on television, the actual reality of those relationships being the ones that last are pretty rare.


How can you tell a Soul mate from an Ego mate?

1. Do you show each other equal levels of respect? If either of you are putting the other on an unrealistic level it is likely that the relationship may eventually topple from its foundation. Also, with unequal respect, love will not be balanced, either.

2. Do you have similar or at least compatible goals? Compatible dreams, vision, and goals are the most important things to look for in relationships, because they are the root of issues that could eventually derail the relationship train if they are incompatible.

3. Are you comfortable with each other? In a book I read a few years ago called Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay, by Mira Kirshenbaum, many of the questions the author asks about a suspect relationship are questions about whether you like the other person's looks, smell, taste, etc. The idea being that if your partner grosses you out you're headed for trouble. This is also a bit of an Ego play, though, so I think it is important to pay attention to where those feelings are coming from.

4. Are your spiritual beliefs compatible? How do you answer spiritual questions? Do you believe in God? What is God to you? Do you believe in prayer? How often? What do you think of Heaven or Hell or other spiritual concepts of eternity? Do you believe we have freedom of choice or is our life pre-determined? To what extent? How do you feel about spirits or angels? These are all questions that can help you determine your spiritual beliefs. Notice: I did not say RELIGIOUS beliefs. Many people make a happy couple even though they have two separate religions. Yes, this may present challenges when you decide which religion to raise children in (many decide both, letting the child decide), but religion is not a true barometer of relationship success or failure. Spiritual beliefs, on the other hand, are highly important.

5. Are you infatuated or do you have your feet on the ground with your lover? If you think they are practically perfect you may be overlooking things due to feelings of infatuation. The biggest challenge I encounter is that when I am infatuated, I am often blind to that type of logic and won't hear anything of it. Sometimes infatuation has to run its course as we need to learn certain lessons. However, if we can avoid the lesson and save both people in the relationship from getting a broken heart, then all the better, right?

6. Do people you know think you're a good couple? Ok, sounds stupid, but I've seen people whose potential mother-in-law couldn't stand them (or even speak to them). Does that sound like a supportive environment? Our support system needs to be supportive of a relationship. That is why we have our support people (family, friends) attend weddings in the first place: to be witnesses and agree to support the marriage in good times and not-so-good times.

7. Do you feel safe, empowered, and valued by your partner? If you cannot fairly answer "yes" to being safe, empowered and valued, you're likely missing a key element.

8. If your lover has lots of side Ego-perks, such as a kick-butt job, a hot car, high-brow social status, or a model's body, how would you feel if the particular "perk" went away? If they gained weight or a skin disorder of some form, would it matter? Would you still love your partner?

9. How do you get along with their friends? Again, this is a support system issue. If you think their friends are pigs, jerks, sleazes, or users, it is highly unlikely you're going to fit into their scene.

10.Does your partner assume responsibility for previous relationship failures (learning experiences)? If they don't, they're going to learn again with you. Blame and resentment are not fun to hold onto. If one or both partners has not yet learned to forgive past grievances (see Letting Go Of The Past, Forgiveness, and Surrender) they may create some new grievances with you. If you hear blame and resentment in descriptions of past loves, you're highly likely headed for pain in your new relationship.

11. What does your internal spirit guide, your higher self, say about the match? When you get quiet and meditate about them, how do you feel?

12. Last, is the timing right? If they're in a relationship now, this may not be the best timing. Have they healed from past relationships? Are they able to love their own self, first? These things are important to resolve PRIOR to getting into a new relationship, otherwise, you may be resolving them together, which can be quite a bit more difficult than on our own. Timing is key to when we meet, in terms of developing all the other characteristics we've discussed.

Here you go.

Heard of ProJect PinK?


"If you are a female/lady/woman/girl blogger, all you have to do is submit your best, sauciest, scandalous, sexiest, juciest, most tear-jerking, most emotional, most unbelievable blog entries to projectpink@mail.com. Elvina would need about 150-200 entries, so do spread this news around to any female blogger friend of yours.

The success of this project depends on the quality of the submissions. Here's a mini-guide on what proJect pinK is looking for.

What's Sizzling:
- eye-openers
- heartstrings tugger
- real life accounts
- love, lies and lingerie
- confessions
- secrets
- men
- unique stories
- dating
- struggles
- death
- autobiographies
-.....and other irresistible content.

What's Fizzling
- days of your lives (yawn..)
- run-of-the-mill stories (real or otherwise)
- copyrighted materials
- slanderous and libelous topics
- movies/music reviews
- unoriginal materials
- ...and any other sleep-inducing topics

What's the criteria? Initially I had a list of 1,698 terms and conditions, but then I realized I couldn't remember all of them so I decided to trash them all away.

Criteria for submissions
- 2,500-5,000 words per entry
- multiple submissions are ok
- submissions from other countries are welcome (as long as they can prove their gender)
- check for grammar and spelling mistakes
- use font Arial, size 12: double spacing
- give an attention-grabbing title to your entry
- illustrations submitted must be original (or the copyright owners will sue the pants off ya)
- save your entries in a word document, together with a cover page including these details:
(1) real name + blog name (if any)
(2) age
(3) your blog's URL
(4) contact number
(5) email address

and finally

(6) a short paragraph of about 600 words on what you think about MEN

This shall be a mini-prologue that leads to your entry.


"It's is a little project that aims to bring together the women of the blogosphere - and compile some of their favourite entries. It's a mini dream to showcase the female bloggers who are bold enough to share their lives and stories so openly to the entire world.

Now if blogging is never an issue - where there is absolute zero control on the internet, why would putting some stories that you have wrote before on a book be so daunting?

Even if your stories are not saucy or juicy or mind-blowing, it's really not important. It is who you are that is significant to the project. I want to read the heartfelt stories you blog about. I want to share the joys you experience in some of your memories. I want to encapsulate your thoughts when you are feeling lousy.

If it's good enough to be shared online, it will definitely make it into this book. I want real women, with real stories to tell, who sometimes may live out another life through a URL.

For every girl who knows about proJect pinK but shys away from it, for whatever reasons, I am one step nearer to aborting this dream. To be honest, I am already quite disheartened by the many "Oh it's a great project but I don't think my stories are good enough so I will not participate" comments. I have always thought if a group of like-minded people form an allegiance to pursue a common goal, nothing is impossible. Especially more so if it's made up of confident, sincere and real women like the many who have been reading this blog."

-Elvina


People out there, spread the world, and gals, start sending in you entries now.