It's mah 21st birthday today! I'm a full fledged adult now, eh? Anywayz I took an "off" from my BSO(Battalion signal officer) to celebrate my b-day at home; met minghui for lunch at Fish and Co; ordered the seafood platter for one and "woah!" That was certainly a filling and satisfying meal! =p We then went to hmv where I listened to some cds. I was planning to go to sim lim square to look at gadgety stuff, but ended up at dhoby gaut sunshine plaza. Fulin joined us for "dinner"(their dinner excl me) later..=p For dinner, I met my parents at northpoint where we had thai crusine, and my dearest grandparents gave me a very unique silver ring....I really love them a lot =)



well I gotta book in to camp very soon...haiz...its like, 10.30pm..gotta leave at around 11+...



Well Lastly I wanna wish myself a very happy 21st birthday!!! I love my parents and grandparents a lot....always and ever!



Life still sux after today...I'm still that same ol' guy at heart. Just feeling disillusioned..may God bless me.



I pray.

Haiz, today is my 1st day at the new unit (23rd Singapore Artillery) in Khatib...well what can I say, the tunnel arrived very late at around 12+ while we waited from 8 am in the morning..



26 of us were cramped into the 3 tunnel with all our barang barang..we were like pigs being set to the abbatoir...=<>



1. It's so old. .very very old.

2.Old and cramped bunks

3.Dirty

4. Poor facilities

5. There's SOC(standard obstacle course) damn.

6. Chin-up regime

7. Overseas traing ( 3 trips to India, Thailand, New Zealand pending)

8. Still seeing that few people I dislike (might end up in the same damn bunk as them)

9. CO looks like he's the "go by the book" type. In other words, "Siao On"

10. 5 and a half day week (alternate book-out either on fri or sat)



I feel apprehensive about everything. It's demoralising to be in such a disgusting place. I beginning to feel the stress. It's just isn't a place I'll be able to stand having to stay-in for the next 1+ years. That'll be hell.



God give me the grace, the peace, the understanding to accept all that comes my way. To be strong-willed(God I'm turning 21 this year!)



And sad. My birthday falls on a thursday this year. Sad. I'll be in camp. Sweating it out.



The only plus about this camp? Near to my home. Period.



Well, I shouldn't take things for granted. Things happen for a reason, ya? (*crosses fingers*)



By the way, I just wanna....be less stressed and time goes...but I doubt this will happen. =X

Life. Well, I'ved passed out from the signal camp. I am now officially a signals and 21 platoon mates will be joining me...in khatib camp (23rd Singapore Artillery)..I wonder how it'll be like over there..there's apprehension looming...=<



Well, during this period of my stay in stagmont camp, I faced a lot of downs...I was even depressed...suicidal. I hated the life there. I disliked the people, the course commander...it was tough for me as I faced alot of stress and uncertainty. There were often tests and I had this overwhelming pressure to perform in the tests...I was so afraid of failing thatit became a phobia for me...I felt difficulty communicating with the people, I felt so alienated by their presence. I was not able to smile, and my heart was always filled with dread. I prayed hard...I read the bible every night. Psalms. the bed I slept on was facing out of the building and there was this outline on thee window panes..it resembled a cross. A cross directly in front of me. I felt that it is God.



All these while, there was this wonderful person who lifted me up. He's my father on earth. My dearest own father. He was always there for me, fetching me to and from camp faithfully, sacrificing all the time he could have saved. He is always very encouraging and he ensured that I was well taken care of...I can never thank him enough for all he has done, since I came into this world till now. He is the greatest man. My father.



I pray oh Lord, that I'll never will take anyone I love for granted, nor things and my life. For my life is in your hands. I'll die tommorrow if I am meant to. God its in your hands. My life. My being. I pray for all whom I love. I love my family. I would like to feel okay, to feel free.



Its been so long. Since I felt free.



Can my joy, happiness not be so temporary. Why must I be so negative. So weary.



I want a life that bears meaning, that is filed with hope and anticipation.



I want to love. To be capable of loving. To be loved.



Unconditonal God.



Sometimes...I wonder if I am okay. Okay in the sense that I'm sane. Am I always delusional. I see the world too ideally...too...beautifully painted. All I had in return was pain, heartache.



Life. Life. Life. Life......



Love. It's just like dancing.



1. You give and take, like when you are stepping foward and then back again

2. You hold you hands together and look into each others' eyes to represent connectedness of heart

3. You complement one anothers' movement, appreciating each anothers' uniqueness

4. With one heart, you are dancing to the rhythm of your souls, love.

5. Lastly. Both of you believe in the same thing that you find worth believing in.



Some people can dance better. That's chemistry. And hard work practicing.



Its so much like much like a relationship.



That's what I feel.

Why is time so intangible, so fleeting, as we move on in our daily activities...my life. I always remind myself to make good use of my life, but more often than not, time is "wasted" every week. Sundays, they usually pass very quickly...now I'll be in camp in less that an hours time..Arggghhh. What's in store for me? Going through all the fears, the frustration...I want to be free...but I am not. There are knots in my heart. People in my life, I miss many of my dearest friends...they are:



theresa

guangsheng

vincent

justin

john

frederic

weiping

jackson

weisiong

rachel

faizah

yanlin

weiling

audrey

mercy

(there isn't an aphabetical order or anything. Everyone is equally precious)



*sigh* I just wanna let them know how much I appreciate and miss them...I do hope to spend time with them whenever I can...for in a life so fraught with worries, friendship is like a form of solace to the heart. On the other hand, I wish to go to church too..its been a while..a hiatus that I had, not attending church...=(

Here's a poem my dear friends have sent me:







Although things are not perfect Because of trial or pain



Continue in thanksgiving



Do not begin to blame Even when the times are hard



Fierce winds are bound to blow



God is forever able

Hold on to what you know

Imagine life without His love

J oy would cease to be ...

Keep thanking Him for all the things Love imparts to thee

Move out of "Camp Complaining"

No weapon that is known On earth can yield the power Praise can do alone

Quit looking at the future

Redeem the time at hand

Start every day with worship To "thank" is a command

Until we see Him coming

Victorious in the sky

We'll run the race with gratitude exalting God most high

Yes, there'll be good times and yes some will be bad, but... Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

"I AM Too blessed to be stressed!"

The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.

The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything.

Love and peace be with you forever, Amen.

Sounds like a cliche, but heh. Time flies. Guess what, I am passed out of BMT on September 24th last month. Right now..I am a signaller trainee at Stagmont camp....there is too much I have to say, but I have gone through a whole myraid of experiences since the day I became a national serviceman. Ns still sux. Anyway, looking back at some of my earlier experiences, I feel that I've grown a lot as a person.

I am going into the army today. Chiooooooong ah!!!!



Ok. No blogging fotr a while.



Here's some words:



May God bless me and take care of me. I give you myself. My all.

May God look over my loved ones and family.

May I have the courage and will to push on. oh Lord please help me.

May I be a true man finally!

Gambatte! I can do it!



Till then, ciao....=)